How to Win Friends and Influence People
Dale Carnegie, 1936
Early summer, I’m spending time taking a graduate course in cybersecurity. One of the key takeaways that has stayed with me is the importance of people in security work. They can be the weakest link—but also the strongest firewall.
Those of us working on fairly technical issues often overlook the behavioral aspect of cybersecurity, perhaps because being a wizard at the keyboard doesn’t necessarily come with strong people skills. Pondering this, I reached for an almost 89-year-old book.
When Dale Carnegie published How to Win Friends and Influence People in 1936, the world was on the brink of war, the telephone was still a marvel, and “networking” wasn’t yet a buzzword. And yet, nearly a century later, his advice still resonates. Not because it's revolutionary, but because it reminds us of something deeply human: people want to be seen, heard, and valued.
How to Win Friends and Influence People is one of the best-selling self-help books of all time — and for good reason. It lays out a clear, practical framework for enhancing one’s communication skills, fostering stronger relationships, and becoming more persuasive in both personal and professional contexts.
The book is divided into several parts, each with a set of principles:
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People: These include rules like “Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain” and “Give honest and sincere appreciation.” Carnegie argues that people rarely change when confronted with criticism, but often respond positively to encouragement and recognition.
Six Ways to Make People Like You: This section focuses on being genuinely interested in others, remembering people’s names, being a good listener, and making others feel important. While simple, these techniques are presented with memorable anecdotes and practical examples.
How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking: Here, Carnegie offers strategies for persuasion that emphasize respect and empathy. He suggests avoiding arguments, admitting when you’re wrong, and letting others take some ownership of the idea. The goal is to guide, not to dominate.
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment. This final section addresses how to provide constructive feedback and influence behavior effectively. Carnegie recommends praising improvement, calling attention to mistakes indirectly, and making the other person feel that change is easy and worth doing.
I consider this book excellent for training people’s skills, regardless of whether you are an excellent networker or not. It is a somewhat foundational read.
Throughout the book, it is filled with stories from business executives, salespeople, and historical figures to illustrate how these ideas play out in real life. Some examples feel dated, and the style reflects the optimistic times of the early 20th-century US. But the advice itself remains surprisingly applicable.
One critique often leveled at the book is that it can seem overly strategic or manipulative. Carnegie’s repeated emphasis on “influencing people” raises the question of authenticity. However, he counters this by emphasizing sincerity: people will quickly see through flattery or insincere interest. The principles only work if applied genuinely.
Ultimately, How to Win Friends and Influence People is less about tricks and more about shifting your focus from yourself to others. It’s not a manual for domination, but for cooperation. If the writing sometimes feels quaint, the core message is timeless: treat people well, and they’re far more likely to listen, trust, and work with you.
This is not a book that needs to be read cover to cover in one sitting. Its strength lies in its clarity — each principle is easy to grasp, easy to remember, and easy to apply. Whether you’re new to it or returning after years, it remains a foundational text in communication and personal effectiveness.
Some books age, while others mature. This is a book that matures with you.